You see, trust in marriage can always be built and made stronger over time. Even after trust has been broken, it can be rebuilt using these two proven steps: transparency and effective communication, even when it may be difficult.
As you already know, trust is extremely vital for your marriage to thrive and be fulfilling. It’s also the most important thing that makes pursuing any relationship worthwhile.
In fact, trust is the glue that holds a healthy marriage together because, without it, a great relationship can’t exist.
That’s why we want to show you the two most important and effective steps required for building, or rebuilding trust with your spouse.
Now, think about this:
Can your marriage survive without trust?
Is it even possible to have a healthy marriage without the complete trust of your spouse?
As you can see, trusting your spouse is key to a happy, healthy, and fulfilling marriage. From our experience, it is impossible for married couples to have a “real” marriage or relationship without that complete trust.
By “real” relationship, we mean a fulfilling and healthy marriage.
The well-known causes of trust issues in marriages
When it comes to trust issues in marriages, the most common cause is one or a combination of the following:
⇒ Extra-marital sex
⇒ Financial infidelity
⇒ Emotional affairs
⇒ Constant contact with an ex
That being said, the presence of trust issues certainly plays a big role in many unhappy and unhealthy marriages.
Most importantly, trust issues such as infidelity can result in lifelong consequential effects on your kids, spouse, family, and self-image.
Building and maintaining complete trust in your marriage should be a top priority!
Why complete trust in marriage is so important
Building complete trust with each other is one of the best things we’ve done to build a strong foundation for our marriage.
As a result of building complete trust in our marriage, we’ve been able to talk about anything and be heard.
Also, the freedom to express yourself makes you feel secure. It also creates a peaceful home environment.
In other words, being able to trust your husband or wife provides you with comfort. It reduces stress, insecurity, and worries about your husband or wife not being transparent with you about everything.
Unfortunately, having no trust in your marriage means your marriage could end in a separation or divorce very quickly.
The lack of trust could also lead to an unhappy life with a roommate (your spouse).
Trust also impacts all forms of intimacy
Whether it’s emotional, intellectual, or sexual intimacy, trust plays a big role in how satisfied you and your spouse will be.
In marriage, we have the opportunity to have the most intimate relationship with another human being; our spouse.
For you and your spouse to be so closely connected, you must feel comfortable enough to bare your souls to each other.
Dr. Henry Cloud puts it this way, “Intimacy comes from “knowing” the other person at a deep level. If there are barriers to honesty, knowing is ruled out and the false takes over.” (Boundaries in Marriage).
In order for us to feel safe enough to bare our souls to each other, to be naked not just in a physical, but an emotional way with our spouse, you must be able to trust them.
Again, Dr. Cloud puts it this way, “True intimacy is the closest thing to heaven we can know.”
Trust is one of the best perks we can have through our marriage. Truly knowing someone, having them know you, being truly loved and accepted for who you are, is truly mind-blowing.Truly knowing someone, having them know you, being truly loved and accepted for who you are, is truly mind-blowing.Click To Tweet
The first step on how to build trust in your marriage
Building trust in a marriage does not happen overnight. It takes TIME.
Building trust requires effort, especially if either you and/or your spouse have trust issues from past relationships, or marriage(s). There is an easier way to make complete trust a reality in your marriage.
Start by being transparent and completely honest with your spouse.
Communicate truthfully. STOP the petty lies. Don’t fudge anything.
Tell your spouse when you overspend on an item in your monthly budget. Tell your spouse, when you have entertained thoughts about being with another person, or are tempted to cheat. (How do you and your spouse define cheating for your marriage?)
Again, tell your spouse when you are hurt by his/her words and actions, but also be ready to take responsibility for your own emotions. When you forget and didn’t do something you said you would do, be honest about it with your spouse.
Sincere and honest communication won’t be easy all the time. But do it anyway because the end result is worth it!
Honest communication is a simple, yet effective concept. Because the more you establish trust through transparency, the more you will become completely open, feel connected to your spouse, and strengthen trust in your marriage.
Can one little “white lie” really do any harm to your marriage?
Why must I tell my spouse so much? Our answer is simple.
As you strengthen trust between you both, the need for such detailed transparency will lessen over time.
When building, or rebuilding trust in your marriage, you each need to see that the other is being honest and is trustworthy all the time.
From our experience, being consistently open about the little things makes it easier, to be honest about the bigger things that come up in life. Practicing this creates a transparent and honest communication environment in your marriage.
In other words, trust is built through consistency.
Lies or not telling your spouse the truth, because what they don’t know won’t hurt them, simply erodes the basic foundation of your marriage (trust).
In addition, you will find it difficult to be transparent and as a result, being truly intimate on a deeper level with your spouse will not be possible.
“Deception damages a relationship. The act of lying is much more damaging than the things that are being lied about because lying undermines the knowing of one another and the connection itself.”
“Deception is the one thing that cannot be worked through because it denies the problem.” – Dr. Henry Cloud.
The second step in building trust in your marriage
Needless to say, if the first step in building trust is transparency, naturally, the second step will be… effective communication. It’s one of the most important marriage skills that will get you closer to building trust with your spouse.
Effective communication will also help you to communicate without fighting, feel heard, and be able to learn how to empathetically listen to your spouse.
Once you learn how to communicate with your spouse it will become easier to approach or talk to your spouse about anything. For example, you will be able to have deeper conversations, which is the key to intellectual intimacy.
Effective communication is the path that will help you build trust with your spouse. In addition, communicating effectively brings you together, helps you to connect with each other, and makes being honest easier.
Simply because you will be talking to your best friend. The person you have decided to commit the rest of your life to and established an intimate relationship with.
And here’s the best part:
When you completely trust your spouse, sex is better, more passionate, free and satisfying. 😉
You need to be honest with your spouse!
And your wife or husband needs to be honest with you too, even when it hurts.
Take the first steps to establish trust by communicating to your spouse that you need to be honest with each other from now on.
We had a few incidences in our first year of marriage where complete honesty was not present. We hurt each other in the process unintentionally.
But we worked through this by communicating truthfully; explaining that it wasn’t okay. We wouldn’t accept being dishonest in our marriage, forgave each other and made sure to not make the same mistakes again (lining up our actions with our words).
Did we mess up again?
It happens to all of us. We are not perfect and never will be. All we can do is strive to be better every day, learn from our mistakes, and move on.
We messed up again. But now, we can say we completely trust each other after implementing the 2 proven steps we mentioned above consistently.
By communicating effectively with each other, we came up with a plan that helped us to survive our first year of marriage.
As you know, part of the reasons why we started this website is to help other married couples avoid the same mistakes we did. Learn from our mistakes to avoid the pain!
The biggest reasons that make rebuilding trust in marriage hard
First, it took you a lot of time, experiences, and reflections to trust your then boyfriend/girlfriend, now spouse. So much so you decided to get engaged and later chose to marry him or her out of the billions of human beings in this world.
Second, because trust is built over time, it hurts so much more when its broken by the person you love the most.
The person you have committed to spend the rest of your life with.
Lastly, as humans, it’s very difficult for us to forget the emotional pains we experience, which makes it more difficult for us to rebuild trust once it’s broken.
And depending on what caused the trust to be broken, it could take anywhere from a few weeks to more than a year to rebuild trust in a marriage.
How to rebuild trust in a marriage
Although rebuilding trust in a marriage after lying is not easy, trust can be rebuilt again after it has been broken.
It will take time. And sometimes even years to regain complete trust in your marriage.
But how do you rebuild and restore trust with your husband or wife? What do you do when trust is broken?
Well, in addition to the two important steps we mentioned above (transparency and effective communication), below are 18 tips you can implement immediately.
Pick the most relevant tip(s) and start practicing it today.
18 Tips to help you regain, restore, or rebuild trust in your marriage
1. Ask your spouse what you can do to earn back their trust.
2. Promise yourself, and each other that you will be truthful and honest even if it hurts.
3. Share your secrets especially the pains and struggles you go through every day.
5. Stop the lying. It will only make things worse.
6. Be aware of the damages caused, accept your wrongdoings and be responsible.
7. Keep your promises.
8. Listen and pay attention to your spouse.
9. Take the blame-game away.
10. Give your spouse an opportunity to earn your trust.
11. Trust in marriage is mutual. It takes two to make it happen. So, make sure your spouse is on board.
12. Be yourself and be real.
13. Be open to counseling or seeing a marriage coach if need be.
14. Forgive your spouse.
15. Develop a plan of action and execute it.
16. Accept that it will take time and patience.
17. Show your spouse you love and appreciate them.
18. Set boundaries in your marriage to prevent a repeat of the same trust issues that caused the trust to be broken and betrayed.
If your spouse is willing to trust you again, you can always earn his/her trust back. The difficult part is when your spouse doesn’t want to trust you again because of one or multiple betrayals.
In that case, you will both have to talk about what your marriage will look like without trust. It will be a difficult conversation, but one to have sooner, rather than later.
Marriage workshop for building, rebuilding and restoring trust in marriage.
If you are looking for more ways to rebuild trust in your marriage, check out Trust Me! Restore, Renew & Rebuild Your Foundation.
Trust Me! is an online marriage workshop that will help you to build, rebuild, and strengthen trust in your marriage. You can even save your marriage and bring back trust by applying what you learn from this marriage workshop.
If you prefer to read, try reading some of the best marriage books.
A great one to check out about trust is Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken by Cindy Beall. This book will help you rebuild trust in your marriage.
Your spouse has the best intentions for you
After getting married, the two become one. Your trust for each other must be nurtured and protected continually. Never entertain distrust in your marriage.
Always be honest and sincere with your spouse. If you are unwilling to trust your spouse, what are your reasons? What is stopping you?
Whatever your reasons are, don’t be afraid to share them with your spouse. So you can resolve them as soon as possible.
If you need more help, always seek the help of a marriage counselor or coach.
It’s very very hard to rebuild trust in marriage. Infact, it takes years to build trust with someone so respect and honor the trust your spouse has for you.
Never take it for granted.
Now, if you’re trying to build, strengthen, or rebuild trust with your spouse, practice what you have learned today. And you will be on your way to building complete trust with your spouse.
“A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want but it won’t go anywhere.” Unknown
Do you trust your spouse completely?
How do you deal with mistrust issues in your marriage?
What are some other ways for rebuilding trust in marriage?