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Communication in marriageCommunication in marriage is one of the important marriage lessons married couples (including us) need to learn in order to have a healthy and lasting marriage.

It is also one of the major lessons you learn in life.

Communication and marriage go hand in hand. You can not have one without the other.

But before you can improve communication in your marriage, you first need to learn how to communicate with your spouse.

We all communicate differently!

During our first year of marriage, a major lesson we learned was that we all communicate differently.

In our marriage, Marcus is more logical and less emotional when it comes to decisions and conversations, while I can be both logical and emotional, but tend to be more emotional.

For example, if we get invited somewhere for a get-together, and Marcus has projects he needs to get done, or he would just honestly prefer to stay home. He is an introvert and will say, “No thank you” quickly and easily.

While I may think of the countless times we already turned them down, and feel like we “should” say yes, or just to get out of the house! (I’m the extrovert) – Ashley

Based on our personalities, we have learned that neither is the right or wrong way.

There is a time and place for both ways. We just had to find the balance.

After learning the existence of emotional/logical thinking, we had to learn to balance our ways of thinking to effectively communicate in our marriage.

When it comes to how we spend money, creating a monthly budget, and the plans/goals we have, logical thinking takes the lead.

When it comes to advising, listening to each other’s wishes, dreams, problems, etc., it takes both logical and emotional thinking.

When it comes to what we actually say, again it’s vastly different for us.

Men usually speak with their words alone, but women tend to speak both verbally and non-verbally.

Women read into body language in a much bigger way than most men; our experience has taught us this marriage lesson.

Quality time is part of Ashley’s love language so I make it a priority to give her that every day.

Sometimes she will say’ “Come snuggle me,” thinking I am going to come right away to snuggle her.  

Although I will answer and say yes, I might take a minute or two…or twenty before I go snuggle her.

Her expectations were for me to come right away.

Sometimes we use the same words, but they have a different meaning to each of us. She meant at that moment, I meant in a few minutes once I was finished with what I was doing. – Marcus

Learning that we all think and communicate differently is key.

Yes, it is the key to effective and efficient communication in marriage.

For example, Marcus will ask me if I’m okay, and I will say “fine” although my body is stiff, and I won’t look at him.

At the beginning of our marriage, he would just believe my “fine” and go about his business. I had to learn to communicate verbally and it was so hard for me at first.

The root of that was I felt vulnerable, and although my husband is the one person I should feel the safest being vulnerable with, my past and insecurities kept me guarded still. – Ashley

A common communication in marriage problem.

This communication problem happens in most marriages.

We hear and read about when a wife comes up to her husband and just wants to vent or express her problem, looking for sympathy.

Instead of just the “Gee honey, I’m really sorry to hear that,” that she wants to hear; her husband sees a problem and looks for a solution.

He gives advice. He responds, “well if you stop doing X,” or “well don’t be friends with her anymore”.

Men are problem solvers by nature, and women are more nurturing or natural sympathizers.

It does not imply that women cannot solve problems, and men cannot sympathize; these are just our strong suits.

I have learned to verbalize my feelings, and what I am trying to communicate to my husband more. I have learned to be more logical in my thinking in the areas of my life that need it.

I have learned my husband can’t read my mind. – Ashley

I have learned not to provide solutions whenever Ashley tells me of her frustrations or problems, but rather comfort her.

Then later that day or the next day I will nicely ask her to see if she just needed me to comfort her.

If it is something we need solutions for, we quickly devise a plan to help her or discuss the issue. – Marcus

The lack of effective communication in a marriage.

It can lead to a lot of communication breakdown issues. And coupled with other marriage problems can easily escalate your decision to get divorced.

As you might expect, the only way to improve communication in your marriage is to learn and practice effective communication skills.

In addition, discovering the signs, causes, or reasons why you have communication breakdown in your marriage will help you to avoid communication breakdown with your spouse.

Just as Communication 101 is thought in college, it will be great if married couples enrolled in a communication course before tying the knot.

Would a communication in marriage course be awesome for your marriage?

The answer is a big YES.

Effective communication in marriage is critical to the success of any marriage!

Effective communication means you and your spouse understand each other when you communicate.

So what happens when you absolutely can’t communicate a thought to your spouse?

Are you trying to get your point across and your spouse just doesn’t get it? These can be very frustrating times.

However, the marriage communication strategies we share in this article can work for your marriage too.

You could also enroll in this online workshop, He Zigs, She Zags: Get Your Communication On The Same Path by Tony and Alisa Dilorenzo.

This online workshop has helped thousands of married couples to improve communication with each other. And in their marriage.

It can help your marriage too! (Even if there is no communication in your marriage.)

How can you improve communication in your marriage?

In order to improve communication in every marriage, the desire and willingness of the couple are required. At the very least, either you or your spouse must be willing to put in the effort.


Well, you need to understand this:

It will take intentional effort from you, and your spouse to improve communication in your marriage.

And by learning how to communicate better with your spouse, you can prevent most of the communication problems that occur in marriage.


Have you observed a marriage where the married couple is not able to communicate effectively with each other? What thoughts came to your mind? Were they good thoughts? 

The lack of communication in marriage means disaster! Yes, your marriage will most likely be filled with resentment, growing apart, or end in a divorce.

This is simply because communicating with your spouse is integral to everything you do in marriage; be it sex, connecting with each otherfinances, budgeting, parenting etc.

The communication strategies we use.

In order to help you improve communication in your marriage, we are going to share the communication strategies we use with you. 

We have used these communication strategies several times to improve communication in our marriage. And we had great success using them especially in our first year of marriage. They were essential to us surviving our first year of marriage!

Honestly, we believe these proven communication strategies will certainly improve communication in your marriage too.

Consider them as tips on how to improve communication in marriage.

How to improve communication in your marriage in 7 simple steps.

how to improve communication in marriageHere are the seven simple strategies we use:

1. Make sure your spouse is listening and paying attention.

If your spouse is not listening or paying attention, all your “words” will not be heard.

2. Do not yell at your spouse.

It simply does not set the tone for better marriage communication.

3. Try to see the issue from your spouse’s point of view.

How would he/she best understand what you are trying to communicate to them?

4. Depending on what you are trying to communicate, try different verbal explanations.

You could also use the drawing of diagrams, writing on paper, etc.

5. Ask your spouse if they understand what you are trying to communicate with them.

Let them describe it to you if they understand you clearly.

6. If the above does not work, or you begin to feel frustrated, take a break.

Revisit later after you each have had time to think about the issue.

7. Practice the six steps above for the next 7 days.

And you will see great improvement in how you communicate with your spouse.

Communication exercises to help you practice the strategies.

One of the best ways to remember the above 7 strategies is by practicing them every single day.

Teaching and sharing them with other married couples who are looking for ways to improve communication in their marriage also works. 

Use these strategies whenever you are communicating with your friends, relatives, co-workers, and people you meet every day. More specifically, use the 7 strategies as your marriage communication exercises.

Because the fact is this:

When you practice, teach, and share these strategies, you will eventually master them. And you will be able to improve communication in your marriage.

You will become a better communicator!

If you are having communication problems with your spouse, what is preventing you from learning the communication skills you need to communicate effectively with him/her?

Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate With Your Spouse Without Fighting is the communication book we highly recommend for married couples who are finding it difficult to communicate with each other. (We authored this book.)

If you feel there is no communication in your marriage or a lack of communication in your marriage, we highly recommend you read this book today.

Our communication in marriage book will help you to communicate effectively with your spouse without fighting.

By learning how to properly communicate with your spouse, you will be able to communicate effectively with him/her. And together, you will succeed at things you never thought possible.

Click here to get your copy of our communication in marriage book for couples today

Your turn

Why is communication important in marriage?

What are the ways you, and/or your spouse use to effectively improve communication in your marriage?

Do you have any communication skills for couples to share with us?


Best Marriage Communication Books for Couples

69 Thought-Provoking Questions for Couples

20 Marriage Lessons We Learned From Our First Year of Marriage

Images courtesy Grant Cochrane/ and Fotographic1980/