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How to Communicate with Your Spouse Husband Wife Without Fighting

Do you want to learn how to communicate with your spouse without fighting?

How to get your husband or wife to understand what you are saying? How to understand what your spouse is saying?

Well today, you will discover the 7 simple, effective, and proven steps we use to communicate without fighting.

As you know, communicating with your spouse can sometimes be frustrating. It could even be so difficult that it ends up in a heated argument or fight which could have been prevented in the first place.

And the worrying moment is when you realize you don’t know how to communicate with your spouse. To be honest, it’s the reason why you can’t communicate effectively with each other.

You can’t get your point across.

You can’t communicate your feelings. Your spouse doesn’t get what you are saying. Talking about anything only leads to more arguments.

There is confusion going on in your mind, and that of your spouse.

It seems like a merry go round; from one conversation to another. Even though you feel you have been communicating well with people for a long time.

You could even be the best communicator in your family, at work, social events, etc. But when it comes to communicating with your spouse, you find it difficult.

You are not alone.

What you are experiencing is a struggle most married couples experience. We also experienced this communication difficulty in the early months of our marriage.

There were days that we felt completely lost. We couldn’t get our points across to each other. Ashley will say “ABC,” and Marcus will think she meant “XYC”.

The yelling, frustration, shouting, feeling disrespected, anger…

It wasn’t fun!

But it inspired us to learn how to communicate effectively with each other.

Becuase we simply couldn’t allow our communication problems to take a toll on our marriage. We knew the earlier we solved our communication problems, the better our marriage will be.

So we searched for a solution.

After trials and errors, we discovered a proven way that helped us to communicate effectively with each other without fighting, arguing, and feeling disrespected. And we want to share them with you today.

You might even know them but have yet to intentionally apply them when communicating with your spouse.

But first, what makes it so difficult to communicate with your husband or wife?

Have you thought about it?

It’s very simple. You see, communicating with your spouse is similar to communicating with another person.

But because you love your husband or wife so much, you feel him or her should be the person you can communicate effectively with.

You decided to spend the rest of your lives together. You unconsciously assume your spouse understands you better than anyone. Hence, communicating with each other should be a piece of cake. 

And once you aren’t able to communicate well with your spouse, you feel like you have failed. You feel you didn’t prepare well for your marriage.

The world is not coming to an end, but your frustration is at a high level.

So how do you learn to communicate with your spouse? This is the question many married couples ask in different ways.

How to communicate with your spouse without fighting and arguing.

As you know, it’s not easy. It requires effort and being intentional.

To make it easier for you, we have turned our communication techniques into 7 simple steps. You can implement each step every time you communicate with your spouse today.

how to communicate with your spouse without fightingThese simple steps are excerpts taken from Chapter 7 of our book, Communication in Marriage: How to Communication with Your Spouse Without Fighting.

We have used and continue to use these simple steps to communicate with each other effectively. And they work!

Below are the 7 proven steps:

1. Pay Attention. 

Make sure both you and your spouse are listening and paying attention when you have a conversation with each other.

If your spouse is not listening or paying attention, all your “words” will not be heard.

When your spouse is saying something to you, stop and listen to them. They will appreciate you listening.

2. Don’t yell.

Don’t yell at your spouse when you are trying to convey a message or talking to each other.

It simply doesn’t set the tone for effective communication. Do you want your spouse to yell at you?

3. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes.

Whenever you are having a discussion, argument, or just talking, try to see the issue from your spouse’s point of view.

Try to understand where your spouse is coming from, and practice empathetic listening. This will enable you to understand what your spouse is trying to communicate with you.

How would your spouse best understand what you are trying to communicate to them?

4. Confirm understanding.

Clarify! Ask your spouse if they understand what you are trying to communicate with them.

Let them describe it to you if they understand you clearly.

What words are they using? What does the word mean? This works to help you see where they are with understanding what you’re trying to convey.

Don’t say everything is fine when you know something is wrong.

5. Try different communication methods.

When your spouse doesn’t understand something you said, try explaining it to them using different ways.

Depending on what you are trying to communicate, try different verbal explanations, analogies, or even pictures. You could also use the drawing of diagrams, writing on paper, etc.

If you don’t understand anything or didn’t hear something your spouse said, don’t be shy. 

Ask them to repeat what they said and explain it in a way you will understand.

If you are not making progress communicating a thought, idea, a problem, or you begin to feel frustrated, take a break.Click To Tweet

6. Take a break.

If you aren’t making progress in communicating a thought, idea, a problem, or you begin to feel frustrated, take a break.

Revisit later after you have each had time to think about the issue.

This is so important and extremely helpful. Sometimes we just need time to re-evaluate.

7. Rinse and repeat.

Apply the above steps every time you communicate with your spouse.


The key is to be open-minded, listen attentively, and have a lot of patience!

Our results from using the 7 simple steps

For the past 5 years, we have been using the above simple and proven steps to communicate effectively with each other.

We went from not being able to communicate with each other to having meaningful conversations without fighting.

If you want to learn more about these 7 Steps, we cover them in detail in our best selling book:


Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting

We share everything we have learned about communicating effectively with each other in this book.

It is a short quick read, filled with great insights that will show you how to communicate better with your spouse. And without fighting, yelling or shouting.

If you want to have a great marriage, learning how to communicate effectively with your spouse is a must.  Because you can’t succeed in marriage without effective communication.

Effective communication is essential for a successful marriage

Just like you, we were told and read communication is vital for a successful marriage. However, no one taught us how to communicate with each other.

We had to learn from mistakes, errors, arguments, and our desire to learn. It wasn’t an exciting time for our marriage.

But once we figured the above seven steps and implemented them, our marriage improved immensely.

We were able to communicate effectively without fighting, get our points across, and communicate our deepest feelings with each other.

Compromising on our differences became easier too. As a result, we were able to make decisions faster and quicker.

For example, discussing and creating our couples bucket list goals didn’t end in a heated argument.

[How well do you communicate with your spouse? Take the quiz.]

Final thoughts

Learning how to communicate with your husband or wife shouldn’t be exhausting. It should be simple and practical; something you can do EVEN if you have a difficult spouse.

If you have trouble communicating with your spouse, get a copy of our communication in marriage book today.

So you can learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse.

Your turn

How did you learn to communicate with your spouse effectively?

Which marriage communication skills helped you the most?

You might also like: 

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Money 

How to Write a Love Letter to Your Husband or Wife in 10 Simple Steps

Questions for Couples: 69+ Thought-Provoking Conversation Starters

How to Say Sorry to Your Wife or Husband in 7 Steps

How to Build or Rebuild Trust with Your Spouse (with 2 Proven Steps)

P.S. To learn more about how to communicate with your spouse, get a copy of our Communication in Marriage book today.

Image courtesy Morgan McDonald

How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting (In 7 Simple Steps)