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how to improve your marriage

Research shows that we get more done when we focus on ONE Thing. And in this article, we will show you how to improve your marriage by focusing on ONE Thing.

So you can quickly improve your relationship and eventually transform your marriage. Also, we will share 20 practical ways to improve your marriage today.

To be honest, even though we used this concept (focusing on ONE Thing) to transform our marriage during the first year, we had never given it a name. However, Gary Keller’s book, The ONE Thing nailed it for us.

That being said, below is a simple explanation of this concept

Identify the ONE thing, problem, or issue that always triggers other problems in your marriage. 

Something that brings stress, frustrations, and unhappiness to your relationship that if solved, will make your marriage so much better. Then solve it together.

From our experience, staying focused on only ONE Thing will provide your marriage with the best results (improvements). Because it’s what your marriage needs the most.

How to improve your marriage by focusing on ONE Thing

Now, if you are wondering about the ONE thing that will improve your marriage, below are 7 places to help you get started.

1. Effective communication is missing.

Or even worse, there is no communication in your relationship.

As you know, communication problems occur in relationships because either the couple does not know how to communicate effectively with each other, or they have built up resentment for each other.

As a result, the slightest communication problem that surfaces lead to other relationship problems between couples.

For example, we used to argue a lot during the first few months we were married. Sometimes, the arguments were so heated it led to giving each other the silent treatment, even though deep inside we both wanted to resolve this problem ASAP.

Once we identified communication was the ONE Thing we struggled the most with, we made a choice to learn how to communicate effectively with each other.

We have since shared the strategies we used in our book, Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting.

By learning how to communicate better, our marriage has improved drastically. We no longer have those heated arguments, give each other the silent treatment or stay frustrated. Also, we are able to communicate our feelings with each other, without feeling judged.

If communication is your ONE Thing, what can you and your spouse do to communicate better?

Not sure about where to start? Read the article below:

How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting

Discover how to improve your marriage by focusing on ONE Thing today.Click To Tweet

2. That deep connection is missing.

As humans, we live and thrive on connection. Whether it’s a person or within an organization.

As a husband, there are times where my wife will honestly let me know she does not feel connected to me. Even though it hurts to hear her say those words, I am happy because she is sharing her feelings with me, rather than another person. It also lets me know she feels safe with me.

Because she misses this connection, the first thing l do is to ask her, “what can l do to help you feel connected to me.” Then, I do what she says, usually.

I know her love language and make sure I express my love to her that way. However, there are moments that she wants more expression of her love language in ways that l don’t know. Hence, the reason why l ask her. – Marcus

If the lack of connection with your spouse is your ONE Thing, talk to him or her about it. How can your partner help you feel connected to him or her?

Read the article below to discover 20 different ways to reconnect with your spouse:

How to Reconnect With Your Spouse Emotionally, Sexually, Spiritually, and Intellectually

3. Trust is missing.

Trust is the glue that holds everything together in every relationship, especially when the difficult times come.

Without trust, your relationship is likely to fail.

If trust is an issue you are facing in your relationship, ask your spouse how you can show them you are trustworthy.

If you don’t trust them, find out the reason why you don’t and try to talk with your partner. Seek a marriage counselor or coach if you need some extra insight and support.

Work on rebuilding or strengthening trust in your marriage today.

Without trust, your relationship is likely to fail. Click To Tweet

4. Money problems.

Money is one of the most common reasons married couples divorced each year.

Do your money fights and arguments lead to stress and other problems in your marriage? If that’s the case, spend some time with your husband or wife to figure out how you can both stop it.

Maybe, you might have to come up with creative ways on how to budget as a couple or manage what you earn every month.

In addition, discuss different things you can do to earn more money. For example, you can have a garage sale this weekend, sell your used items on eBay or Amazon.

As you know, there is only so much you can cut out of your budget. However, you can earn as much as you want, by helping as many people as possible solve their problems.

Start a profitable side business to help other people who need your skills and expertise. There more people you help, the more you will earn.

Below is a great workshop to check out if you want to start a side business:

How to make extra money on the side without spending all your spare time working

5. Lack of sex.

Is your sex life hurting your marriage? Maybe, you want to be sexually intimate with your spouse more often (maybe every day).

Or even have better, passionate, and satisfying sex. You want to bring back the spark into your sex life or take it up a notch.

If sex or the lack thereof is the ONE Thing that can improve your marriage tremendously, then read the article below today:

8 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have About Sex

This article will help you to get your sexual conversations started so you can improve your marriage. More specifically, your sex life.

Another great article is this one: How to Improve and Strengthen Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.

6. Setting boundaries.

Setting up boundaries to protect your marriage and privacy is actually a great thing for couples to do. Because you don’t want people to interrupt you whenever they want to, and you want to safeguard your marriage from having your trust broken.

Sometimes these boundaries need to be set between you and your spouse. Other times around you and your spouse’s relationships such as in-laws, friends, co-workers, etc.

You can, however, make things easier by first taking a step back and finding the root of the stress between you and whoever is not respecting your boundaries.

In addition, have an honest conversation about why the boundaries you both set are important to you, what your expectations are, and how it will benefit your marriage and relationship with the person(s).

Maybe you need to enact new or stricter boundaries. If so, then it’s time to talk with your spouse so you can come up with a plan to create and make sure your boundaries are respected.

If your boundary issue is with your in-laws, one simple strategy that has saved us from having countless and unnecessary issues is this:

Let your spouse communicate anything you have to tell your in-laws to them. And vice versa.

This works most times when we have something that needs to be communicated to our in-laws, but it is not a one size fits all.

If improving your relationship with your in-laws is the ONE Thing that will improve your marriage, use the strategy above to work on making it better.

Let your spouse communicate anything you have to tell your in-laws to them. And vice versa. Click To Tweet

7. Appreciation is non-existent.

You see, we all crave to be appreciated, especially from those we love. So if you feel your spouse does not appreciate you, write them a love letter to show how much you appreciate him or her.

Because the more you show someone you appreciate them, the more likely they will show you how much they appreciate you.

You could even just focus on writing a weekly gratitude note for them for a month or a year. Try this simple activity and let us know your results.

For more ideas, check out the two articles below:

Appreciating Your Spouse: 10 Unique Things You Can Do Today

9 Gratitude Journaling Prompts for couples

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

How we improved our marriage by focusing on ONE thing

Finding the ONE Thing you and/or your spouse can do to improve every area of your relationship can be elusive. To be honest, we couldn’t easily figure it out during the first few months of our marriage.

However, after thinking about the struggles we experienced during our first year of marriage, we noticed most of our issues were resolved after we worked through our ONE Thing.

As we mentioned earlier, our ONE Thing was learning how to communicate effectively with each other. Once our communication started to get better, our marriage improved and transformed in many ways over time.

For example, we were able to resolve our issues in a shorter time frame. Our respect for each other also grew tremendously. Even when it came to creating our couples bucket list goals and adventures, our discussions went smoothly with zero arguments.

13 Practical ways to improve your marriage today

Below are 13 ways to improve your marriage today. Pick your favorite 3, and put them into action today (right now).

Give your spouse 3 sincere compliments. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one before bed.

Write 20 things you are grateful for about your spouse, and either leave it somewhere for them to find or read it to him or her today.

 Have a great conversation together. Use these fun conversation starters for couples. to get your conversations going.

Say “thank you” to your spouse for everything they do for you today.

Eat a meal together.

Call your spouse using a term of endearment instead of their name. Like hey beautiful, hi sexy, hey babe, hey baby, etc. Do you get the picture?

Give your spouse a long passionate hug. Whether it’s after they get home from work or errands. Just do it!

Apologize to your spouse for your mistakes.

Initiate sex today.

Don’t criticize your spouse today.

Be vulnerable to your spouse. Share how you truly feel with him or her.

When you communicate with your spouse, don’t yell. Be extremely patient.

Do something together. It could be as simple as cooking, playing your favorite board, card or dice games.

Final thoughts

Finding the ONE Thing that is troubling your relationship, and resolving it with your partner will drastically improve your marriage.

It might not be on this list, but spend some time to really ponder about it. Even if it takes hours or days, figure it out as soon as possible. 

Then get rid of it so you can transform your marriage.

Your turn

What is the ONE Thing you can do to improve your marriage today?


How to Reconnect With Your Spouse Emotionally, Sexually, Spiritually, and Intellectually

8 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have About Sex

How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting

101 Fun Things for Couples to Do Together

69 Thought-provoking Questions for Couples

Image courtesy Aaron Burden

How to Improve Your Marriage by Focusing on ONE Thing (10 Quick & Practical Ways Included)