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sexual intimacy in marriageSex, specifically sexual intimacy is an essential aspect of your marriage.

The joy, pleasure, and connection it brings to you and your spouse are amazing.

Yet, when it comes to connecting emotionally about sex that is something that happened once, probably long ago.

OK, maybe it’s happened more than once and yet there is still a lack of understanding of what both of you desire in the bedroom.

The reason is that husbands and wives talk about sex very differently.

Men for instance, tend to look at sex as the physical act, visual stimulation, and completion.

Women view and enjoy sex from an emotional point of view where there is a sharing of each other, a bond and security.

Even though you and your spouse may have different views of what happens between the sheets, when you connect before hand it can have a huge impact on both your emotional and sexual intimacy.

On our weekly podcast ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show we have heard from many of our listeners over the years about sex.

What is interesting is that they have shared that the downturn to their sex life is that sex has become routine, boring, and an obligation.

When it comes to sexual intimacy in marriage, they’re not sure what to talk about.

You may be saying to yourself, “What do we talk about?

We’re glad you asked.

You need to talk about what positions, where to make love, what pleases you, what doesn’t, the sounds that each of you can make and much more.

Do NOT have these conversations right before you are about to make love.

This isn’t the time to put the brakes on what you and your spouse have been anticipating.

Your bedroom holds many expectations about how you and your spouse are supposed to connect sexually.

By taking the conversation somewhere from all of these expectations, you are able to talk openly and honestly as you both begin to share your desires and passions.

To help you get started on what to talk about we have 19 Questions to Amazing Sex with Your Spouse.

You may feel out of place or awkward when you start talking about sex.

It’s understandable, but if you desire to have more passion and romance with your spouse, then both of you need to know what your likes and dislikes are.

Schedule time on your calendar for your marriage.

It’s important that you both realize how vital this is to your marriage.

By putting each other on your calendars and holding to this time it shows the value you place on your spouse and your marriage.

Find a morning, afternoon, or an evening to go through all of these questions.

Of the utmost importance is that both of you are taking time to honestly answer each question.

This isn’t a contest to get through all the questions as quickly as possible.

Listen and pay attention to your spouse as they open up about their desires are for your marriage bed.

Download the PDF of these questions so that you can write down your spouse’s answers. Keep this sheet and refer back to it often.

Those acts your spouse wishes to do, or not do are now out in the open.

Honor your spouse if he or she does not wish to try something. Nobody wishes to be forced to do something they do not desire.

Be a servant lover and by putting your spouse’s needs in front of yours, the two of you will grow closer together in your sexual intimacy.

Your turn:

Sexual intimacy in marriage is great, but do you experience it your marriage? How can you make it better?

P.S. Want to rekindle intimacy in your marriage? Check out Intimacy Ignited today.

Image courtesy Niekverlaan

Post written by Tony and Alisa Dilorenzo: Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo have experienced both joyous times and challenges over their 17 years of marriage. As co-hosts of the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show, the #1 marriage podcast in iTunes, Tony and Alisa dig deep into issues that couples face each and every day. To learn more about Tony and Alisa, visit their website.