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sexual intimacy in marriage

Let’s be honest, sexual intimacy in marriage is one of the biggest issues couples either struggle with or find very challenging. And unaddressed, could easily lead to sexual problems, growing apart, and more conflicts in your relationship.

So in this article, we’re going to share twelve practical things you can do to improve, rekindle, and strengthen sexual intimacy in your marriage. Because learning how to become more intimate with your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your relationship to thrive and be fulfilling.

Note: If you have a medical condition that’s affecting sexual intimacy in your marriage, please consult with your doctor.

13 Ways to improve, rekindle, and strengthen sexual intimacy in marriage.

1. Start with your mind.

The fact is, the brain is one of our biggest sex organs. So thinking more about sex will certainly help you get started on your journey to improving and strengthening sexual intimacy with your spouse.

Because if you’re not thinking about sex, the chances of you actually doing the deed are pretty low. You can quickly start by reminiscing about the best sex you’ve experienced with your spouse.

Another sexual intimacy example you can do with your spouse is to have more sexual conversations.

Yes, we know sexual conversations can sometimes be difficult and uncomfortable. But don’t let your past or fears hold you back from talking about sex with your spouse.

If you don’t know where to start, or how to communicate sexually in your marriage, read this article about sexual conversations every couple needs to have.

From our experience, connecting intellectually about sex with your spouse is a fun and realistic way to improve your sexual intimacy. It simply prepares your mind and body for sex. We recommend having these conversations every few days, if not every day.

Remember, if your brain is not into it, your body won’t be into it!

2. Get more education about sex.

Yes, we all know the basics about sex, but what if you learned something new that transformed how you view and engage in sexual activities with your spouse? New techniques that make sexual intercourse more pleasurable, exciting, and fulfilling?

Educate yourself by learning how the body works sexually. It sounds basic but trust us, because sexual education has played a huge role in improving sexual intimacy in our marriage.

One of the amazing online resources we used (and still do) to learn more about sex is OMG Yes by For Goodness Sake. It’s based on data from the largest-ever research study into women’s pleasure.

We watched the short how-to videos from OMG Yes and learned new techniques that have helped us to have better sex and improve our sexual intimacy. Other things you will also learn from this research-based educational resource include:

» How to identify your erogenous zones and extend your orgasms.

» How to use body-safe sex toys and lubes.

» How to become sexually confident. And much more.

Concerned about what more to do during sex, your performance, how you look, or how to spice things in the bedroom?

Click here to check out OMG Yes today!

You could also read books like Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage and She Comes First. There are also educational YouTube Channels and podcasts you can look into as you educate yourself about sex.

Sexual intimacy marriage

3. Attend to your worries, stressors, and conflicts.

Worried about getting laid off at work, the unopened bills pilling up each week, what other people think about the way you look, etc.?

Don’t brush them aside. What can, and can’t you control? Work with your spouse to create a plan that ensures you are taking measures to manage your worries.

Stress is another thing that could negatively affect your sex drive and intimacy in your relationship. Because it prevents your mind and body from being at ease. Plus, when you are not at ease, being fully present during sex becomes difficult, which will ultimately affect your sexual intimacy.

Are unresolved conflicts with your spouse affecting physical intimacy in your relationship? Work on resolving them so they don’t negatively affect sexual intimacy in your marriage.

If you’ve being trying to seem unbothered about that unresolved argument you had a week ago, now is great time to talk things out with your spouse. Get it resolved, and maybe… do the deed to reconnect sexually.

4. Introduce sex toys to spice things up.

Sex toys are amazing tools that will help you explore new sensations, erogenous zones, and spice things up efficiently.

Don’t know where to start? Read our fun sex toys for couples’ article to see some of our favorites. Who knows, you might discover something new that you can use to rekindle your sexual intimacy.

What about setting up a date to visit a sex store near you together? When we had this date years ago, and it was so much fun and very eye opening!! Just visit the store closest to you, look, and chat about the sex toys you see there. Don’t even worry about buying anything, unless something strikes your fancy.

There are so many amazing sex toys today, so if you and your spouse are new to them, experiment with a few to see which toys you like and don’t like.

Along the same lines, have you thought about getting LED lights or bulbs to change the ambience in your bedroom? It sounds so simple, but the perfect lightning setup could easily put you in the right mind frame and mood for sex.

Rekindle sexual intimacy in marriage couples

5. Find new ways to initiate sex with your spouse.

Show your spouse you are attracted to them physically, way before you have sex. Add more physical touches like cuddling, holding hands, hugs and kisses to your everyday interactions that help with physical connection but isn’t sexual.

Flirt and connect with your spouse every day. Send them sexy text messages, emails, emojis, GIFs, etc. to subtly let them know you want to be physically intimate with them.

Here are a few more fun things you can do to initiate sex.

» Wear a sexy outfit that you know your spouse loves or fantasizes about whenever you wear, grab their hands, and lead them to the bedroom or wherever you want to get it on.

» Be direct and tell your spouse you want to be intimate with them. Alternatively, you can whisper into their ears if that’s more inviting.

» Give each other back rub, or even better, a full body massage. This one highly depends on your relationship. For some couples, sexual intimacy is amazing right after a good massage because of the intimate touches shared during the massage.

» Play foreplay sex games like this one. Or pretty much any game that will help you both relax, connect, and have fun sexy conversations.

6. Discuss your sexual desires.

Is there something new, like a sexual position you would like to try? If you’ve been having sexy times in the same positions, maybe it’s time to switch things up with new ones. As they say, variety is the spice of life.

What about the sexual fantasies you want to try? You can start by sharing articles about sex, watching movies or TV shows that have some of your sexual interests with your spouse. Then have discussions about them and how you can safely make it a reality together.

A great sex show for couples is this one about how to build a sex room on Netflix.

Another thing you can do is to print out two copies of this sexual desires and curiosity list, complete them individually, and then talk about the ones you want to try together. The goal here is to learn about each other’s sexual fantasies and explore them together.

7. Discuss your sexual expectations with your spouse.

This one is about discussing how often you each want to have sex, what you each expect to happen during sex, who takes the lead, etc. Because knowing each other’s sexual expectations leads to better sex and intimacy.

For example:

If one person wants to take the lead in the bedroom, while the other wants to be led, it’s only through a conversation that this important detail will become known. Don’t leave it to chance.

Want your spouse to tie you up, wear a sexy mask, smack your butt, or dirty talk during sex? How about cuddling after sex? Or to help you fulfill one of your sexual fantasies? Again, it’s only through a conversation that your spouse will know.

And of course, your spouse has the right to say yes, or no to any sexual activity you would like to try with them, so have an open mind during these discussions.

Sexual intimacy couples fantasy

8. Plan and make sexy time a priority.

Are you busy and don’t have enough time to have sex? Even better a long passionate night of sizzling and sensual sex? Well, the best way to make it happen is to schedule it. Put sex date on a calendar you can both see. And make it happen!

To be honest, scheduling sex doesn’t sound exciting or sexy. But for some couples, it’s one of the best ways to ensure sex is a priority and actually happens.

In fact, the timing might not be what you want, but if it’s the best time you can sexually connect with your spouse, take full advantage of it.

Don’t like morning sex, but that’s the best time for sex? Just do it for now! Because amazing sex can help you feel loved, safe, and connected with your spouse.

Remember when you were dating and had sex on Valentines Day, your anniversary or birthday, well it was scheduled sex. You prepared and looked forward to it. You probably wore something sexy to put your mind in the right headspace for the occasion.

Do the same now. Because the more fun scheduled sex you have, the more likely you will soon start having spontaneous sex.  

9. Have more slow sex.

Sensual, passionate, and slow sex is essential for every couples sex life.

It requires you to be in the moment and intentional. To focus your mind and energy into every movement, feeling, and sound. To get out of your head, and be present in the moment. To forget about everything, slow down, and just enjoy each others bodies.

So if you and your spouse haven’t experienced slow sex before, add it to your sexual bucket list. If it’s being a long time, discuss it with your spouse so it can happen again.

10. Snuggle up and enjoy the afterglow feelings from sex.

Don’t just move on, or rush to the do something else right after sex. Enjoy each other’s afterglow.

Have a small chat about your experience together, especially the intimate parts you enjoyed a lot like something that was whispered or said that turned you on so much. Or something that your partner did that made you instantly orgasm.

By snuggling and talking afterwards, you give your brain the chance to process everything that happened in a relaxed manner. Because during sex, your brain releases oxytocin and dopamine which play a big role in your sexual satisfaction and deepens intimacy.

11. Avoid negative self-talk.

Are you saying negative things about yourself? Like “I will never be good enough in bed”, “My body is …”.

Negative self talk greatly impacts your bedroom confidence in ways you might not even know or understand. Therefore, we highly recommend you focus on turning it into more positive feedback, so you can become more confident in yourself, especially during spicy time.

Because with better self-confidence, you’ll have more courage to try new things, communicate your sexual desires, and have consistent amazing sex.

12. Do new things outside the bedroom.

What are some fun non-sexual activities that you can do together? The goal here is to connect with each other doing something new that’s not related to sex. A shared, new, and positive experience that will help you connect and strengthen your intimacy outside the bedroom.

For example, if you’ve never been horse back riding as couple, plan one this weekend. Haven’t been to a comedy show together before, buy tickets to one this month.

Never painted an artwork together as a couple before? Try it. The possibilities are endless.

Here’s a list of more fun things for couples you can check out.

fun Sexual intimacy couples activity

13. Get outside help from a professional.

Have you tried your best efforts to resolve the sexual problems in your marriage but nothing is working? If yes, we highly recommend getting your hormones tested and seeking help from a professional sex therapist.

Don’t wait too long as both could be the difference in resolving the sexual intimacy issues in your marriage. As a bonus, you can use what you learn from therapy to rekindle sexual intimacy long after the therapy has ended.

A wonderful place to start your search for a sex therapist is by using the free to access Gottman Referral Network. It’s a database filled with licensed therapists from all over the world.

Final thoughts

Sexual intimacy is an amazing way for couples to show their desire for each other’s body, communicate sexually,  and connect on a deeper level.

You can’t ignore the additional health benefits from sex either as it can help reduce blood pressure, improve sleep, boost the immune system, reducing stress, and much more.

We hope you and your spouse will both be able to use the ideas we’ve shared above to improve, rekindle, and strengthen sexual intimacy in your marriage. You can’t do it alone because it takes two to make a marriage work!


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P.S. Want to rekindle intimacy in your marriage? Check out Intimacy Ignited today.

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: How to Improve, Strengthen, and Become More Intimate With Your Spouse