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marriage check upA marriage check-up is a great way to maintain a healthy marriage. We refer to it as the “state of our marriage” address.

We have already written articles about checking in, connecting, and growing together with your spouse before.

But this week, we want to highlight the importance of marriage check ups and how we do ours.

Your last marriage check up

Have you had a marriage checkup with your husband or wife before? If you haven’t, make sure you can schedule one with your husband or wife this week.

We do this at least twice a year, but we have realized doing it every couple of months is even better. 🙂

The most important question we always ask each other during our checkups with an open mind is this:

“Tell me three things you think I can improve on so I can continue to become better for myself, our family, and marriage.”

Set up a time (annually, semi-annually, quarterly etc) that you set aside to connect and talk with your spouse about the temperature of your marriage.

Take note of any progress or retrogression made and review the goals you set for your marriage. Then think about whether you are happy with your marriage or not.

What areas can you improve?

Marriage check up is a great way to communicate with your spouse

As a long time married couple, or even a newlywed, communication with each other is something we all have to continue learning and practicing.

And marriage check ups presents us with an opportunity to do just that.

You have to be open and honest with each other.

You have to be willing to listen to your partner open minded to accept critique. And know that your spouse has the best intentions for you.

Marriage check-ups can sometimes be challenging

It will be challenging at first to not take your spouse’s feedback as a direct insult. Instead, view them as a form of constructive critique.

Learning how to approach topics and communicate with your spouse is part of your marriage journey.

We have realized lately that our marriage check-ups have gone a whole lot smoother than our earlier ones. We actually have lesser critiques for each other as we continue to grow together.

We don’t imply this will be the same for every married couple. Or that it’s a sign you are on track because sometimes it can be that we are not asking the right questions.

I read a blog last week written by a lady who asked her husband not just, “are you happy with our relationship?” “Is there anywhere I can improve for our family and marriage”; but rather, a more direct question. 

She asked if on a scale of 1 to 10 where her husband thought she was of her potential, 10 being the best wife, mother, and person she could be.

As a mother, and a wife I can see how this could get heated if you are too insecure to be able to accept a healthy critique.

It’s something we learn and grow through.

If your spouse is a respectful, loving individual and you have a healthy marriage, it should be a safe place to talk about this stuff to help you grow as a person.

Hence, progressing as a couple. Ashley

Why a marriage checkup is important

In a healthy marriage with respect and love, your spouse is your best friend.

The ONE you can talk about anything and everything with. He or she is your safe person and should be honest with you for the good of your marriage.

Your spouse knows you, (or should know you) better than anyone else.

You live with him/her under the same roof, share the same room, share the good times, as well as the bad times with.

Your spouse see’s you at your best, and your worst; which makes it easy to have regular marriage checkups.

By having a checkup, you will be on the same page. Or at least know where you both are in terms of your finances, emotions, spiritual growth, physical, and intellectual state.

10 Benefits of marriage checkups

1. It brings you closer together as a couple in more ways than one, discovering more about each other.

2. Teaches you how to better communicate with each other.

3. Helps you work through insecurities, learning your strengths and weaknesses.

4. Encourages honesty in your marriage.

5. Gives you a safe and open space to both give and receive critiques to help you grow as an individual.

6. Personal growth helps your marriage progress while helping you to grow together with your spouse.

7. Creates happiness when both spouse’s feel they are heard and see each other making efforts to create a better life.

8. Keeps you on track with your marriage, family, and life goals.

9. Holds each other accountable. Who better to do this than the person who knows you the best?

10. Helps to identify issues before they turn into major marriage problems.

Marriage checkup resources

Check out the book and online marriage check up below. Both will help you with your marriage check ups.

The Couple Checkup: Find Your Relationship Strengths by David Olson

Online Couple Check-up.

We took the online check-up and were amazed at how healthy our marriage is.

Furthermore, it showed us areas in our marriage that we can improve to continue having a healthy and happy marriage. It shows you we don’t have a perfect marriage. 🙂

Actionable tips on how to have your marriage checkup

First, discuss it’s importance and benefits with your spouse so you can both agree to do it regularly.

Let your spouse know why you want one, and the important role your spouse will play in your marriage checkup.

Second, set a regular time (weekly, monthly, yearly etc) that you can both sit down and have this check up.

Don’t take this check up for granted.

Third, ask each other this question:

“Tell me three things you think I can improve on so I can continue to become better for myself, our family, and marriage.”

Click here to discover more questions for couples.

Lastly, be honest and go to work on improving your marriage, family, and life.

Final thoughts

Now that you know the WHY, benefits of marriage checkups, and how to a marriage check up, what are you waiting for?

Schedule a time with your spouse to have a marriage check up this weekend.

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that you can do to become a better person, spouse, or parent.

Your turn

How often do you have a marriage check up with your spouse?

What marriage check up tips can you share with us?

 Image courtesy imagerymajestic /

PS: Want to have deep, engaging, and meaningful conversations with your spouse? Read this book today.

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