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Family themes how to choose yours steps

Family themes describe families. It’s a simple family goal that impacts your family positively and provides guidance for every decision your family makes.

And from our experience, the best way to choose yours is by knowing what you want your family to exemplify or be portrayed as.

So in this article, we are going to show you how to choose a theme for your family. Plus how to make it a reality. But first, let’s look at some of the benefits.

Benefits of choosing a family theme

A family theme has lots of benefits, with one being a common goal for your family to work towards.

It will help you communicate better with your spouse, set your family and marriage expectations while creating a vision for your marriage.

As we mentioned, it will be the yardstick to determine if your family should pursue certain endeavors or not. In addition, you will become fulfilled when people describe your family as your family theme.

For example:

We love to hear friends, family, and even strangers call our family peaceful because our family theme is peaceful family. It’s what we want to be known for as a family, which shows the things we do at home and outside our home reflects our family theme.

I remember a complete stranger approached us at a local store in 2011 just to tell us we send out a peaceful vibe; that is certainly proof that having a family theme can positively impact other lives.Ashley

Now, imagine instead of our family it was yours. How would you, and your family or spouse feel?

Even if you are a single parent, divorced, or single, choosing a family theme will go a long way for your family or future family.

How to choose a theme for your family

Because of the immense value family themes provide for families, we have compiled the steps we used to choose ours into four simple steps for you.

These steps will definitely help you and your family to choose a family theme that suits your family.

Step 1. Choose the best description for your family

Grab a pen or pencil, and a sheet of paper because this step involves brainstorming. Spend some time with your spouse this week to brainstorm on different words you want to use. Then create a list of 3 to 10 words, and choose the best description for your family.

Pick something positive that you wish your life to reflect your marriage and home, which by default will transcend into your environment, and outside your home.

Also, it should be a description that you both agree, and are committed to making a reality.

Your family theme could be:

A debt-free family

A peaceful family

A smoke-free family

A hardworking family etc.

Step 2. Define “WHY” you picked that description

Defining your "why"

Answer each question below and write down all your answers on the sheet of paper you have. We share our answer at the end of each question to help you better understand them.

1. Why do you want this theme for your family?

We want our home to be known as peaceful, nurturing, and relaxing.

2. Why will a family theme be so important for you, and your spouse (if married)?

It will enable us to provide an awesome environment for us to live, grow, and learn with our children.

Plus, it sets the tone and temperament for every choice and response we make as a couple, and as parents.

3. Why do you believe in this theme?

To put it lightly, we love living a stress-free life, and our family theme enables us to do so.

In addition, we believe wherever peace exists, there is unity, productivity level increases, almost everything becomes easier, and our inner joy escalates.

Marcus’s take:

I love living a chaotic free lifestyle, little to no stress if possible, and simply enjoying a quiet peaceful home.

I have always tried to live this way since it protects me from unnecessary bad events, it does not imply I do not take risks; I enjoy the thrills of taking calculated risks.

As a result, choosing a family theme was not difficult for us since we shared similar ideas and knew what we wanted our future family to be.

But it was only through our brainstorming section, and understanding our WHY that we agreed to choose a “peaceful” family for our family theme/goal.Marcus

Ashley’s take:

I believe having a family theme is such an integral part of any family. Someone with goals has that push to always improve themselves, and move forward, someone without goals just kind of wanders through life. 

The reason why this theme is so important to me is because of my previous life. Before I became a wife and mother, I was the total opposite; always filled with high stress, unbalanced, and unpredictability.

Having a theme for our family gives me comfort as a wife, knowing my husband and I are working together as a team to provide a nurturing and encouraging home for our children.

Do you notice the words I use to describe how I view a “peaceful” family and the words my husband chooses?

Remember, when going through this with your spouse that you both speak different languages; see where your ideas connect and go from there.

Step 3. Watch this Start with Why video

In Step 2 above, you answered three questions in what was a brainstorming section. Now watch the enlightening and inspiring TED video, Start With Why, by Simon Sinek below.

This video will help you further understand your WHY. Sinek shows us with excellent and simple to understand examples about starting with your WHY.

To be honest, it is one of the best TED videos you would ever invest a few minutes of your life watching, and the return on investment (ROI) is amazing.


Once you are done watching the video, answer the three questions in Step 2 again, and make corrections if needed.

» Why do you want this theme for your family?

» Why will a family theme be so important for you, and your spouse (if married)?

» Why do you believe in this family theme?

What we learned from watching Sinek’s Start with WHY video

It helped us to clearly define our reason for making certain decisions, choices, setting goals (in this case choosing a theme for our family), starting a business, etc.

In this video, Simon gives such a great example of why it is so important to have a belief, goal, or “why” for a business. This lesson is just as important for other systems like your family.

Also, during the first seven minutes, he explains the “golden circle” and the trickle effect. An example that’s close to home for us would be:

A) We want a peaceful lifestyle.

B) How do we have a peaceful lifestyle? maybe we stop there, or maybe we continue to the third circle of “Why”, which is the central belief, the core of why we want a peaceful lifestyle.

C) Maybe we stop there, or maybe we continue to the third circle of “Why”, which is the central belief, the core of why we want a peaceful lifestyle.

Simon explains that system is backward and we should instead think C, B, A, instead of A, B, C.

Does that make sense?

Why have a theme for our family?

For us, it’s to have a peaceful family to enjoy life, raise responsible and amazing individuals, and living life to the absolute fullest. Then we set our ground rules, boundaries, and put systems in place to help us structure “our” how.

Lastly, the results from our theme is a warm inviting home, with minimal stress, and no fighting.

These are just a few examples, that we hope you find helpful on your journey to choosing your own family theme. The video will certainly help you and your spouse to rethink your WHY and come out with better answers.

Even though most people will prefer watching Sinek’s video before brainstorming, we have observed that you are very likely to produce better answers this time around.

Step 4. Do this before you practice your family theme

By now, we are confident you and your spouse should at least have an idea about what your family theme should be if not already chosen.

But have you thought about the pros and cons of this theme? What will the positive and negative impacts of your chosen theme have on yourself, your spouse, children, relatives, and society?

For our family theme (peaceful family) negative impact was none, positive impacts include but are not limited to inner joy, a great environment for family bonding, improvement in communication, people feeling very relaxed at our home and learning from us.

Step 5. Practice your family theme

Use the four questions below to create an actionable plan that will make your family theme a reality.

1. What do you, and your spouse (if married) need to do to every day to accomplish your family theme?

We do not fight, we disagree sometimes which is fine but resolve all issues before heading to bed, and we organize our home as often as we can.

2. When do you want to see vividly the results of your family theme?

A maximum of one year after our marriage but we saw results 3 months into our marriage. We decided on one year since we should have accomplished that goal by then, if not then something was wrong somewhere for us.

3. How will you hold each other accountable towards making your family theme a reality?

We both ensure our home is clean and organized, not cluttered. It’s not 100% perfect but enough to for our satisfaction. We also asked each other questions about our family theme, especially whether we were headed in the right direction.

4. How do you want to achieve this theme?

Laugh and smile often, hug and kiss before leaving home for work, etc., communicate to ensure everything is fine at home, decorate our home accordingly, being patient, and making it a priority to have a peaceful family.

Results from having a theme for our family

We have:

» Reduced the number of arguments in our marriage.

» Less stress and chaos at home.

» Increased productivity with work since either one of us leaves home happily and knows we will come back to a peaceful home.

» A process for better decision making because we’re able to easily say no to things that don’t align with our family theme.

Final thoughts

Choosing a peaceful family as our theme has been integral to us having a peaceful home, marriage, and family. Therefore, we strongly believe choosing and practicing a theme for your family, will make the endeavors you pursue yield better results.

If you need help setting one, just send us a message and we will be glad to help you come up with a theme that is integral and vital to your family’s aspirations.

Also, you can download this article as a guide by clicking here.

Lastly, always remember the benefits of your family theme because it will increase your desire to make it a reality.

Your turn

Do you have a theme for your marriage and family? Share your answer in the comments section.


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