Coming up with sex questions to ask your partner isn’t always easy, especially when you want to open up about your sexual desires, wants, and needs. Talking about sex can feel vulnerable. You might not know where to start, or maybe have a difficult time determining which sex questions for couples will work for you.
However, having great sex starts with good conversation. So, it’s worth it to push past the awkwardness with a partner you can trust.
In this article we are going to share 69 sexy conversation starters to help you and your partner to talk about sex. The sex questions range from funny, to lighthearted to thought-provoking, featuring thoughtful questions about sexual fantasies, boundaries, and much more.
Our goal is to make it easier for you and your partner to communicate about sex, so you can spice things up in the bedroom. The questions will also help you to understand each other better, connect, and explore intimacy together.
Grab a drink, put the distractions away, get cozy with your partner and go in with a curious and open mind. The goal is to learn more about each other to enhance your sex life.
Note: These questions were taken from our book: Sex Questions for Couples: 369 Sexy Conversation Starters to Open Up, Build Trust, and Deepen Intimacy in Your Relationship.
69 Sex Questions for Couples
1. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being highest, how comfortable do you feel talking about sex with me?
• Why did you choose that number?
• What can I do to help you feel even more comfortable?
2. What makes sex great for you?
3. How important is communicating about sex for you?
4. Do you agree or disagree that sex is one of the highest forms of connection with a partner?
• Why or why not?
5. How do you define good sex?
• How do you define bad sex?
6. What are some activities we engage in that usually get you in the mood for sex?
• What about activities without me?
7. Is there something I do during sex that you love but you feel shy, ashamed, or too embarrassed to let me know?
8. When do you prefer to have a quickie?
9. What is a sexual memory of us that you can’t forget?
10. What are your thoughts on the use of sex toys during sex?
• When it comes to sex toys, do you have any preferences?
• What are some of your favorite sex toys or accessories?
• If you had to pick one sex toy to use for the rest of your life, what would it be?
11. If you got to experience sex in my body, what would you look forward to the most?
12. If I had to experience sex in your body, what is one thing you think would surprise me?
13. What goes through your mind right before we have sex?
14. During sex, do you ever think about when it will be over?
• If yes, how often and why?
15. What do you prefer to do right after sex?
16. Is there anything I do after sex that makes you feel loved and cared for?
• What’s something I do after sex that you enjoy?
17. Do you ever struggle with initiating sex?
• If yes, what makes it difficult for you?
• If not, what’s your favorite way to initiate sex?
18. Where do you get information about becoming a better sexual partner?
19. What’s a fantasy that you have been thinking of recently and are excited about?
20. If you had to tell a story of our sex life, what would you say?
21. What makes you feel sexually confident?
22. Is there any part of our sex life where you feel insecure or extra vulnerable?
• How can I help you feel more secure in this area?
23. Have you tried to suppress your sexual desires, especially when you get horny and I’m not in the mood?
- If yes, what makes you want to suppress it?
24. What is something you experienced or discovered about sex that blew your mind?
25. What is something I do that lets you know I’m in the mood for sex?
26. Do you have a sexual bucket list?
• If yes, what’s one of the top five items on your sexual bucket list?
• If we had to create a sex bucket list, what are 3 things you would include?
27. What is an unexpected thing that improved our sex life?
28. Have you ever experienced an aversion to sex?
• If yes, share more details.
29. How would you feel about me waking you up to have sex?
30. How would you feel being woken by me going down on you?
31. What makes you feel safe to have sex with me?
32. What’s the best compliment I have given you during or after sex?
33. Is there anything you dislike about sex?
34. What are your thoughts about dirty talk during sex?
• Is it something you would be interested in?
• What phrases would you like to hear?
• Which ones would you like to say to me?
35. When we have sex, does it ever feel like a performance to you?
36. How long do you think sex should last, including foreplay?
37. Do you struggle with being present during sex or zoning out? Do you sometimes get distracted, like your mind starts wandering?
• How often?
• What do you think could help?
38. Have you had a sex dream before?
• If yes, what’s a sex dream you’ve had that you wish was real?
• What’s the weirdest sex dream you’ve had?
39. Do you ever get anxious about sex?
40. What is a question about sex you wish you had the answer to?
41. When was the first time you noticed the sexual tension between us?
42. On a scale from 1-10, how much do you enjoy sex?
• What do you like about it that makes it that number?
• What would help bring that number higher?
43. What do you NOT want to hear during sex?
44. How many times in a day do you think about sex?
45. How important is hygiene to you before we are physically intimate?
46. What’s the best sex advice you were ever given?
47. What’s the worst sex education advice you have received?
48. Have you ever had a panicked response to sexual touches or during sex?
• If yes, share your experience if you’re willing, along with what would help you the most if it happened again.
• What about outside of sex?
49. How long after we finish having sex are you thinking about sex again?
50. What do you enjoy the most about our sex life?
51. What does cuddling after sex mean to you?
• How important is cuddling after sex for you? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest.
52. How long do you think you can go without sex?
53. What kind of education did you have about sex?
• Is there anything you wish you had learned sooner?
54. What are some funny misconceptions about sex that you had when you were younger that turned out to be completely wrong?
55. Have you ever felt nothing, disgusted, or regretful after we had sex?
• If yes, share your experience. What made you feel that way, and what I can do so you don’t ever feel that way again?
56. How do you feel about sex if you or I have our period?
57. If you could have sex with me anywhere without any consequences, where would it be?
58. What are some subtle ways to initiate sex that you would enjoy?
59. How does not having enough sleep impact your sex drive?
60. Which areas of our relationship affects your desire for sex?
61. What sex advice would you give when asked?
62. Do you have a kink that you haven’t felt like you could talk to me about yet?
• If yes, tell me more about it.
63. What’s your favorite kink?
• What about your favorite kink of mine?
64. What do you think is the difference between a kink and fetish?
65. What is something about sex that most people seem to enjoy, but you don’t have any desire for it?
66. Do you prefer scheduled sex over spontaneous sex?
• When is scheduled sex ideal for you and why?
• What about spontaneous sex?
67. Lights on or lights off: which one do you prefer and why?
68. Is there anything that turns you on that you think is weird or you’re embarrassed about?
69. How was sex talked about while you were growing up?
Bonus Question: What thoughts come to your mind when you see me naked?
Remember, be curious, open-minded, and honest, so you can learn more about each other during your conversations.
Final thoughts
Whether you feel awkward, shy, intimidated, or maybe even scared about sexual discussions, we hope these sex questions for couples helps you and your partner to have better conversations about sex, strengthen intimacy in your relationship, and have better sex.
Related:
How to Reconnect With Your Spouse Emotionally, Sexually, Spiritually, and Intellectually
8 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have About Sex
How to Strengthen Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
