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comparing marriagesComparing marriages is unhealthy if the comparison is between your marriage and others with a covetous attitude.

Have you ever thought about statements like these, or even said them before?

“I wish our marriage was like theirs.” While blaming only your spouse for the deficit.

“I wish my spouse was more outgoing like  (insert name)’s  husband or wife.”

“Why can’t my husband/wife take care of the house, and cook like his/her spouse?”

These statements are not only unhealthy for your marriage but could lead to many issues down the road.

It’s very easy to think about the things we see missing in our spouse and marriage. Or the improvements we want to see while taking for granted all the good things about our spouse and marriage.

We are all unique individuals and should take pride in that.

Just because our spouse and marriage are different doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

It means we have a unique marriage and bring unique individual qualities to the marriage.

Our uniqueness means our marriage will never be the same as other marriages; because of our personality differences and the two of us became one.

Instead of focusing on the cons of our spouse, we can focus on the pros.

“He/she may not be as vocal or outgoing as some people, but he/she is really great at communicating with me, and telling our children how much he/she loves them.”

This is how you can easily redirect your thought process when you have the urge to compare your marriage or spouse to others.

This is where communication and regular marriage checkups help.

We can sit with our spouse, connect, talk about our marriage, and give healthy critiques.

More importantly, we can ask for healthy critiques in what our spouse needs from us, and what we can do to improve ourself and marriage.

We have to define the marriage we desire on paper(or your marriage vision), and work together with a plan of action to make it a reality.

A few hours spent together with your spouse on this topic will yield enormous results. It will not be easy, but it is worth every bit of it.

Have you talked with your spouse about what kind of marriage you want?

What are your marriage goals? What is the theme for your family?

Comparing your marriage to others with a jealous attitude will not get you where you want to be.

It’s like comparing your body to the photo-shopped images in a magazine; it’s unrealistic.

Instead of comparing your marriage or spouse to others, why don’t you think about ways to improve your part in the marriage; yourself?

And ways to help your spouse become a better individual.

Certain things are personality traits that we must learn to accept, and maybe even love about our spouse.

Does this mean there is no hope for change to someone who is an introvert and never wants to go out?

No, there is room for compromise and finding a middle ground so you are both happy with your marriage, and with each other.

Both partners must make sacrifices in marriage and compromise to make things work.

How to stop yourself from comparing your marriage and spouse to others.

1. Focus on you.

When we compare our spouse or marriage to others, our focus is taken off of ourselves. Why not work on improving ourself since we can never change another person?

Plus it is never our right to assume we can change someone. (It’s impossible)

We can only inspire other people improve by becoming the best we can be.

2. Spend more time thinking about ways to improve your marriage and helping your spouse become a better individual. 

Don’t just see the problem, find a solution together. Try reading marriage books.

***Disclaimer: unsafe habits, addiction, abuse, and infidelity are not things that need to be ignored.***

3. Learn to appreciate your spouse, focus on who they are, and support them.

For every negative thing, be sure to bring up or think of two to three positives.

This exercise will help retrain your negative mind into a more positive one.

4. Look at the reality.

No one is perfect, and therefore, there is no perfect marriage.

5. Communicate with your spouse.

Tell them your wants and needs, listen to theirs.

Try to fill their needs, and don’t keep score.

Open and honest communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. We cannot stress this point enough!

Now is the time to talk to your spouse about what kind of marriage you want.

And the kind of life you want to live.

Sometimes we assume our spouse knows our thoughts because they are second nature to us.

But until we voice these opinions to them, we can not be certain they know.

Tell your husband or wife about your thoughts and the kind of marriage you want.

Always remember, we will never have 100% of everything we want from our spouse, and our spouse will never have 100% from us all at once.

This is the reality of being a human; no two humans are the same.

Your turn:

What are your views on comparing marriages?

How does it impact marriages?

Image courtesy Stoonn /