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how to know if he is the oneHow do you know if he is the one for you? I remember being asked this question when we were dating.

And it was always asked in different ways like,” Is he the one, is he the right one for you to marry, what signs showed you he was the one etc. ”

But now that we are married its changed to, “how did you know he was the one?”

I get asked this same question from time to time, and I remember the first time like it was yesterday.

I sat in a Starbucks across from a college friend, sipping my soy latté.

As I gushed about my then fiancé, glancing at my non-traditional engagement ring with Amber resin (my favorite!) she asked, “How do you know if he is the one?”

I was definitely caught off guard.

I had to think, how do I know? How does anyone know? How do you know if he is the one to marry?

Judging by today’s statistics it’s a 50/50 shot isn’t it?

We had only been dating for 2 months, he was my first real boyfriend; my first real relationship.  

I was able to decide that my then fiancé was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was not an easy decision but I had to ask myself the questions below.

Questions to help you determine if he is the one for you to marry.

These are the questions helped me to know if he was one for me to marry.

1) Is he the right one for me to marry?

2) Can I spend the rest of my life with him especially sleeping in the same bed, and waking up next to him?

3) Will I be proud to call him my husband and the father of my children?

4) Can I respect, trust, and completely be honest with him even when it hurts?

5) Does he love and accept me as I am?

6) Do I appreciate who he is, his good and his bad?

7) Can he be my best friend, can the two of us become one after marriage?

8) Do we share similar future plans?

9) Are our views on life different?

10) Do we argue or fight about everything?

The above questions really got me thinking for a while and I am glad I asked myself all these questions before becoming engaged to Marcus.

Here are some answers which enabled me to know he was the one for me:

a) We were both so “real” with each other. 

There were no games for attention, no overly flirtatious infatuations. In fact, we have been working on the whole flirting thing. 😉

We both bared our souls to each other, our hopesdreams and most importantly our life and expectations in marriage.

b) He lined up with my little paper man!

When I was 16 I made a list on a cut out a paper man of the character qualities I wanted in a future husband; the father of my future children.

I saved it and added things as I grew.

After the first few days, I looked my paper man over and Marcus had all the qualities!

Not knowing my husband had his own checklist and also compared me, (spoiler alert!) I measured up!

c) I trusted him.

Due to my past, I never thought I would be able to trust a man, especially so quickly.

He was honest, patienttrustworthy, and treated me like a queen; he still does.

d) We just clicked.

We connected in a way that I had never experienced. We made/make a great team. He became my best friend.

e) Our goals and values lined up.

We talked about all the major issues that cause divorces, things important to us, and we were on the same page.

We both viewed the husband and wife roles equally, talked about raising children, lifestyle, our future dreams, ambitions, future family, and finances to name a few.

These questions and my reasons are not the magic things that everyone should go by to know if he is the right one to marry.

It is just how I was able to personally answer the question, “Is he the one?” for myself. They also helped me to know he was the one for me.

After 3 years of marriage.

Every difficulty we go through, every challenge, as well as the good times, he proves to me again and again that my instincts were right.

I’m glad we both took the chance on one another, I know we are both better for it.

I will be glad to personally answer this question on any given day should we meet somewhere.

Your Turn:

What questions or ideas can you add to this “how to know if he is the one” list.

If you have found him, how did you know he was the “one” for you? We would love to hear your unique stories.

– Ashley

Image: (CC) Andre Chinn