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how to know if he is the oneHow do you know if he is the one for you? I remember being asked this question when we were engaged.

And it was always by different people. Is he the one? Is he the right one for you to marry? What signs showed you he’s the one?

I remember the first time like it was yesterday.

I sat in a Starbucks across from a college friend, sipping my latté as I gushed about my then fiancé. Glancing at my non-traditional engagement ring with Amber resin (my favorite!) she asked, “How do you know if he is the one?”

I was definitely caught off guard.

I had to think. How do I know? How does anyone know? How do you know if he is the one to marry?

Judging by today’s statistics it’s about a 50/50 shot isn’t it?

We had only been dating for 2 months, he was my first real relationship. 

Yet I had decided that Marcus was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was not an easy decision and I had to ask myself the questions below.

Questions to help you determine if he is the one for you to marry.

1) Does he respect my body, my mind, and opinion?

2) Would I be happy with him in twenty years if he’s exactly who he is now?

3) Will I be proud to call him my husband and the father of my children?

4) Can I respect, trust, and completely be honest with him even when it hurts?

5) Does he love and accept me as I am?

6) Do I appreciate who he is, his good and his bad?

7) Can he be my best friend for a lifetime?

8) Do we share similar future plans?

9) Are our views on life too different?

10) Do we argue or fight about major difference of opinions?

11) Can I spend the rest of my life with him?

12) Are we sexually compatible?

The above questions really got me thinking for a while and I am glad I asked myself all of them before getting married.

Here are some answers which enabled me to know he was the one for me:

We were both so “real” with each other. 

There were no games for attention, no overly flirtatious infatuations. In fact, we have been working on the whole flirting thing. 😉

We both bared our souls to each other, our hopesdreams and most importantly our life and expectations in marriage.

He lined up with my little paper man!

When I was 16 I made a list on a cut out a paper man of the character qualities I wanted in a future husband; the father of my future children.

I saved it and added things as I grew.

After the first few days, I looked my paper man over and Marcus had all the qualities!

Not knowing my husband had his own checklist and also compared me, (spoiler alert!) I measured up!

 I trusted him.

Due to my past, I never thought I would be able to trust a man, especially so quickly.

He was honest, patienttrustworthy, and treated me like a queen; he still does.

We just clicked.

We connected in a way that I had never experienced. We made/make a great team. He became my best friend.

Our goals and values lined up.

We talked about all the major issues that cause divorces, things important to us, and we were on the same page.

We both viewed the husband and wife roles equally, talked about raising children, lifestyle, our future dreams, ambitions, future family, and finances to name a few.

He kept his relationship with me a priority.

If something really bothered me, and I communicated that to him, he’d change the behavior. He’d respect his relationship with me enough to go outside his comfort zone or make some adaptations to make me feel more comfortable.

He pushed me to be better and reach my potential.

Whether through podcasts or books he’d recommend, or conversations we had. Most of my healing journey was because of his undying support and encouragement to keep pushing through even when it was too hard. I knew he’d always be there to catch me.

He saw me as an equal partner.

It was most evident when he’d ask my opinion, and respect me in various ways. He verbalized that men and women are equal and then he showed me that through his actions. I was never seen as less important in his eyes.

These reasons are how I knew he was the one for me and answer the question, “Is he the one?”

After almost a decade of marriage.

I still get asked this question from time to time. But now that we are married its changed to, “How did you know he was the one?”

Every difficulty we go through, every challenge, as well as the good times, he proves to me again and again that my instincts were right.

I’m glad we both took the chance on one another, I know we are both better for it.

Your Turn:

What questions or ideas can you add to this “how to know if they are the one?” list.

If you have found your mate, how did you know they were the “one” for you? We would love to hear your unique stories.

– Ash

Image: (CC) Andre Chinn